Holy Matrimony – What if a Marriage is not Spiritual first and foremost?
Holy Matrimony –
What if a Marriage is not Spiritual first and foremost?
From Doug Perry, www.FellowshipOfTheMartyrs.com, April 2009
Tonight the Lord blind-sided me with a fresh look at a verse I had never really studied before. Oh, sure, I've read it a zillion times, but it seemed to make sense without further study – until I read someone else's take on that verse and it sent me scrambling to see if they were right.
Here is the passage:
1 Furthermore then we beseech you, brethren, and exhort you by the Lord Jesus, that as ye have received of us how ye ought to walk and to please God, so ye would abound more and more. 2 For ye know what commandments we gave you by the Lord Jesus. 3 For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: 4 That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; 5 Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God: 6 That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified. 7 For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness. 8 He therefore that despiseth, despiseth not man, but God, who hath also given unto us his holy Spirit. 1 Thess 4:1-8 (KJV)
Now, I'll give you that most folks have to look up “concupiscence,” but otherwise the passage seems like a pretty straightforward admonition toward self-control – possessing your own vessel (body) in holiness. I wasn't even looking for this, but I've talked a lot about marriage and why we MUST seek God about who we marry because otherwise we are in danger of simply selecting a spouse based on the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh or the pride of life. There are many, many “trophy wives” out there, chosen for all the wrong reasons.
It's clear to me, by common sense and by the clear implication of scripture that we are to be bondservants to our Lord and that He is to direct all of our steps. Chief among those steps has to be the decision about who to marry. Marriage is SO fundamental and foundational to so much of God's plan. Can we really honestly believe that we can marry whomever we want – for whatever reasons – and God is obligated to bless it? Doesn't that make us bigger than God? Can a marriage license from the state and a prayer from a guy with a funny collar really force God to endorse whatever we want?
I hadn't really found a good verse to dispute with those who said that you could just marry whoever you wanted. But tonight I got a fresh look at this passage and I want to show you what I found.
I use a program on my computer called Bible Explorer. It's a program available at www.Bible-Explorer.com that lets you really dig into the Word and compare various translations, Greek, Hebrew, Strong's numbers - plus other cross references. Best of all, it's free.
Well, one of the Bible translations that comes with it is the "God's Word" version. Here is what this same passage says in this translation:
1 Now then, brothers and sisters, because of the Lord Jesus we ask and encourage you to excel in living a God-pleasing life even more than you already do. Do this the way we taught you. 2 You know what orders we gave you through the Lord Jesus. 3 It is God's will that you keep away from sexual sin as a mark of your devotion to him. 4 Each of you should know that finding a husband or wife for yourself is to be done in a holy and honorable way, 5 not in the passionate, lustful way of people who don't know God. 6 No one should take advantage of or exploit other believers that way. The Lord is the one who punishes people for all these things. We've already told you and warned you about this. 7 God didn't call us to be sexually immoral but to be holy. 8 Therefore, whoever rejects this (order) is not rejecting human authority but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit. 1 Thess 4:1-8 (GW)
WOW!! That's sure not at all what I've ever thought that verse said! I always believed it was about me keeping my own body – the vessel I already have – in honor and holiness. But this makes it clear that my wife is the vessel that I'm to acquire in a holy and honorable way. Can that translation be valid at all? Can this verse really be about acquiring a spouse, rather than just minding my own flesh?
Let's take a look at how they came to translate it that way. Is there really any justification linguistically for them to have come to this conclusion? And if so, does it make more sense in context and application?
4 That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; (KJV)
The word “vessel” is the Greek word “skeuos.” (This info pulled from www.BlueLetterBible.com)
Skeuos (Strong's G4632)
1) a vessel
2) an implement
a) in the plural
1) household utensils, domestic gear
2) the tackle and armament of vessels, used specifically of sails and ropes
3) metaph.
a) a man of quality, a chosen instrument
b) in a bad sense, an assistant in accomplishing an evil deed
of uncertain affinity; a vessel, implement, equipment or apparatus (literal or figurative
[specially a wife as contributing to the usefulness of the husband]) :- goods, sail, stuff, vessel.—Strong's Talking
Greek & Hebrew Dictionary
In the KJV it is translated "vessel" 19 times, "goods" 2 times, "stuff" 1 time, and as "sail" 1 time. One of these verses includes this one:
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with [them] according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel (G4632), and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. 1 Peter 3:7 (KJV)
Please note also that you are heirs TOGETHER of the grace of life. That your cup and her cup become one and you are then ONE vessel and are joint heirs. You better be really sure that you are acquiring the right vessel according to the Lord!
The word “possess” is the Greek word “ktaomai.”
Ktaomai (Strong's G2932)
1) to acquire, get, or procure a thing for one's self, to possess
a) to marry a wife
a primary verb; to get, i.e. acquire (by any means; own) :- obtain, possess, provide, purchase.—Strong's Talking
Greek & Hebrew Dictionary
Even the NIV has this footnote on verse 4 - "Or learn to live with his own wife; or learn to acquire a wife"
I think there is at least enough evidence right there to justify the possibility of reading this verse in the context of choosing a proper spouse. Clearly the issue of whom to marry is important to the Lord. Clearly verse six makes it clear that if you DO choose a spouse wrongly and use them, that the Lord Himself will avenge this.
6 No one should take advantage of or exploit other believers that way. The Lord is the one who punishes people for all these things. We've already told you and warned you about this.
So, if you select a spouse in the passionate, lustful way like those who do not know God, then you are rejecting this instruction and things will go badly for the both of you.
7 God didn't call us to be sexually immoral but to be holy. 8 Therefore, whoever rejects this (order) is not rejecting human authority but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.
What do you think would happen if you let passion and lust be the deciding factor instead of God? Doesn't it say that He will punish people for this? What might that look like? Have you read Deuteronomy 28? If this translation is correct, then this is an ORDER and if you reject it, you are rejecting God and His Spirit. You must NOT select a spouse in the same way that those who do not have the Spirit of God within them select spouses. The lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh and the pride of life are the things that motivate those who are not in Christ.
16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 17 And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever. 1 John 2:16-17 (KJV)
This is no small thing. Consider carefully how you choose a spouse, that they be IN Christ and that He be directing all of your paths – that you are not led by eyes or flesh or loneliness or the reasoning of man. If you are already married and you know that you did it for the wrong reasons and the punishment of God is evident on the marriage - then run to Jesus and say you're sorry and ask Him to redeem it and have mercy. Maybe He'll turn. Maybe it's not too late.