|
Jim D's Testimony
Mailed to us
September 2007
I come to you by
my own hand which is very different way to communicate these days.
I have a inner
feeling that to write you with my own hand and my ink is important.
I have been
feeling something deep inside me growing since about 6 years of age.
It grew in high school, bigger in college, it got so
"explosive" that I've tried everything to kill it, stop it,
water it down. I've drank, drugged and churched my way until now.
Been rich, been poor.
I've preached in
big churches and basements of A.A. meeting halls. I've married, I've
divorced. I've fasted for days, had "great" men of God
lay hands on me. Been at great revivals and alone with God for
months at a time.
And I am about to
give birth to something ... something I'm not really even in charge
of or have power over ... we both know that's best.
I listened to your
"Apology" today on GodTube. Yesterday I broke down at about
this same time and sobbed and sobbed for the Church, Just
babbled and sobbed. It eases this burning inside of me, but it
just begins to build again and is unmanageable within hours. I've
tried to make myself "crazy, insane, mentally ill" but no
drug, no therapy ever really calms this blazing seed.
I've got probably
25 journals full of writings. I threw away many more one day in a
wild moment of fear and anger during college. They are filled with The Word.
Basically the same things over and over -- some more detailed, some
more revealing.
I have been so
angry with our denominations. Our churches, our leaders ... I am so
sorry I've been a part of it ...
Yesterday, the
church I've been attending for ten years called (my kids have all
been raised there and in their "Christian" school).
To make a long story short, they had just told my 8 year old little
girl that she couldn't go to an afterschool class she was signed up
for because she didn't have the $10.00 registration fee.
This is the
church/school I've put three kids through at $4000 a year. Where I
have put tithes, offerings, etc. in for 10 years. Have worked, bled,
prayed, etc. there with these people for ten years. This is my church
that has an $18 million dollar piece of property paid for waiting for
another $10 million to build a new church. This, my friend, is the
church that just gave my pastor $15,000 cash and a new car for his
birthday (50th). This is the place, my friend, that told a little 8
year old girl, shamed her in front of her friends, because of TEN dollars.
And for the first
time in 20 years I DID NOT GET ANGRY!!!
I broke in complete sadness for the Church. I am
so incredibly broken over where I have helped us to come to --
Where am I going???
I don't really
know --
I'm going
somewhere though.
This "flame
within" is just about to take breath of this world.
The New Pharisee
is us.
That's where all
those writings are going.
And I keep
hearing, "Buy The Church."
It sounds
absolutely unGodly I know. But as I read your "Cool Stuff"
webpage and "How" you want to fund your mission maybe you
will understand. The only thing the Western Church will follow
is "money".
Maybe they/we/I
need to be led to The Truth by the one thing the devil
has deceived us all by -- $$$.
Buddy, I have
absolutely no idea why I'm writing this ... to you. And why I'm gonna
get up now and drive to the post office and put this in the mail.
But God
does!! And if He tells you, I'm sure you'll let me know ---
Keep up the good
fight fo faith.
Labor to enter
into His rest.
The Church
at Jim's house sends you hope.
In His love,
worthiness, power and authority,
Jim
|
