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There is a term
used in business called “Opportunity Costs”. What
this means is the potential loss in revenue because of missed
opportunities. That is, you might have made $1,000,000 on that
business deal, but because you acted late and didn't pull the trigger
fast enough, you missed making an additional $500,000. Those
are the “Opportunity Costs” because of the way the deal
went down.
For example, I
might as well be transparent here and take this opportunity to
apologize to you all. In the Spring of 2005 I was invited to
speak at the “John the Baptist Conference” in Olathe,
Kansas. I was all fired up and I was sort of the token business
guy that could speak about waste and fraud and financial
mismanagement in the church. It was in November of 2004 that I
had a massive experience with the Lord and He showed me a vision of
how desperately bad things are and I had been weeping and groaning
and repenting ever since. About a month before the conference I
was in my prayer closet and I asked the Lord to tell me what He
wanted me to say at the conference. For about thirty minutes
this weeping, moaning, repentant prayer comes out of me
involuntarily. Just blasts through and I see a vision of me on
stage on my knees crying out to God in front of this whole room of
people. When it's over I try to catch my breath and I say,
“Oh, God! Nobody will be able to stand up under that! They will
all be on their faces!” He says, “Yep. That's what I
want. Do that.”
Well, as the
conference gets closer I forget about it. The brother putting on the
conference talks me through some thing he wants to make sure I
address because I'm really strong on those, but avoid this topics
because there are others speaks on those and I'm not qualified there.
I start thinking about the statistics of church mismanagement and all
the information I've gathered and how it might be good to do a
PowerPoint presentation or something. Even on the day of the
conference a sister gives me a Bible verse that I never did look up
– and as I'm walking up on to the stage a brother hugs me
tearfully and asks me to do the right thing. I don't have any
prepared notes, I'm just going to try to get out of God's way and let
the Spirit lead.
Then they hand me
a microphone and I think it might be good to tell everybody a little
about me. So I say some good stuff, but I ramble around sort of
aimlessly and talk about none of the things I was supposed to and
some of the ones I wasn't supposed to, I go way over time and cut
into the next speakers schedule and throw off lunch. The organizer is
giving me a cut-off sign but I just keep right on talking. Then
it's finally over, I say a little terse prayer and walk off.
A lot of people
heard something in there that was helpful to them. God used it and
will find a way to redeem us. But I did a lot of damage to the
relationship with the brother in charge. Nonetheless, I felt like the
weekend went really well. But on Monday afternoon, I get a phone call
and the brother wants to talk to me about my prideful, immature
display. I feel like it's the better part of discretion to put him
off for a day so that we can all calmly pray first before it goes
somewhere that isn't going to please God. That night I'm seeking the
Lord and I honestly thought everything went alright. Then the
Lord reminds me of that time in prayer and He says, “You asked
me what I wanted you to say at the conference and that was the ONLY
thing I ever told you to do. I didn't send you there to talk about
yourself and make your little speeches. There were plenty of others
there that were going to do that. This was a repentance conference
and I gathered about 500 of the biggest guns from all over the
country and not ONCE did you all hit your knees and repent for
anything. You were all so glad to see each other and come out of your
caves that you never actually repented for anything. And that's what
I sent YOU there for – to do it in front of them and put ME in
charge. And I stood in the back and waited, but nobody ever
called. And if you had done what I told you to do there would
have been a PILLAR OF FIRE over the Holiday Inn in Olathe, Kansas and
the Kansas City revival would have started and spread all over the
world. And the blood of EVERY person that didn't get saved or
healed or delivered because of that is on YOUR head – from then
until the pillar of fire DOES show up.”
So then He gave me
a glimpse of exactly how big that number of people might be and I
cried and cried and wailed and moaned and wept a puddle under the
desk in my office.
And when the
brother called me the next day to say that everything I did at the
conference was about pride, I agreed with him. And I didn't fight
back and I didn't point fingers. The Lord said that He was led like a
lamb to the slaughter and I was to take it and shut up. And
there was nothing the brother could say that would make me feel any
worse than what God had already said to me.
I have no idea how
much my failure might have changed the lives of you, dear reader. But
I'm sorry. I am sincerely sorry. Please forgive me. And I've
tried to live every day since going full-speed and not backing down
from any instruction of the Lord. I've got enough blood on my head
already and I don't need it to get any worse.
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That is a
very personal illustration of the reality of “Opportunity
Costs”. The “ripples” are the consequences of
our actions or inactions. We can't possibly really understand the
total consequences of the things that we do.
ONE sermon that is
pulled out of the file instead of inspired by God might only have
changed one life, but that life reached one, and that life reached
one, and THAT life reached the one that reaches all of Africa with
the Gospel. But because you pulled a sermon out of the file and
didn't speak the anointed Word of God that was needed at that moment,
that person didn't get reached and the blood of it ALL is on your head. |
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You see, we're
going to have to answer for every idle word. There will be a
judgement. The books will be opened. They're not going to just look
in the Book of Life, see your name and wave you on through. There's
going to be a trial. And all the evidence against you is going to be
presented. And I'm going to have to look Jesus in the eye (if I can)
while they replay the pride and the porn and the selfishness and the
gluttony and the theft and the lies and the pain I caused others and
all of it. And I'm going to know that more than anyone else, I hurt
my Savior and Lord and Lover and Husband Jesus. And just because at
the end of it they will find that He took my penalty on Himself,
doesn't mean that I'm going to enjoy that trial. I'm going to
want to crawl under something. I don't want it to last ONE
instant longer than absolutely necessary. I love Him and I want
to obey Him, because it will please Him and because God is a JUST God
and I don't want there to be any more accusations against me than are
absolutely necessary. That He is my Savior is not an excuse to
keep plunging a knife into His chest by my constant disobedience.
And worst of all,
He suffered and died for His inheritance – His people. And
by my actions in 2005, there is some (gigantic) number of people that
remain untransformed, unhealed, unsaved, unreached – and in the
enemy camp. We were supposed to strip them from the enemy's hand and
return them to Jesus as His just inheritance for His suffering.
But I made it worse. Now, He and I are all square on that, but I'm
not sure there is anyone that would not have somehow been affected by
now had a pillar of fire showed up in Kansas City in 2005.
People often come
here to get their pipeline cleaned out, get delivered of whatever is
messing with them and learn how to get their cup full and keep it
full. One of the most desperately needed things at this moment
is for the members of the Body of Christ to have more fear of the
Lord, particularly the leadership. I have had these kinds of
conversations with people over and over. All different flavors. This
conversation is not so much a quote as a collage. I don't want to
embarrass any of the people that have come and been transparent and
revealed some really deep areas of disobedience.
Typically, when we
start to try to identify why it is that they used to hear God but
can't anymore, we'll go back to when they were on fire and hearing
Him well and then when they first noticed that it stopped. When you
ceased to carefully obey God, He will turn you over to a strong
delusion. You will be blind, naked, wretched, poor and lukewarm, but
you'll think you're rich and have need of nothing. I thought the
conference went really well – until God took the scales off of
my eyes and showed me how HE felt about it. Over and over I've
counseled with people that thought things were OK, until the Lord had
me show them something so desperately dark that provided a little
glimpse of how the “self” in them had done massive damage
to the body of Christ - and it put them on their knees weeping and groaning.
It goes like this:
Doug -
“So, Brother, when did you stop hearing God really well and
feeling His presence?”
Brother -
“Well, I think it was about eight years ago, just before I left
that particular ministry.”
Doug -
“And what was the last thing that you remember hearing God
really well about?”
Brother -
“Oh! I had this REALLY vivid dream about the leader of the
ministry and how he was in danger and how, because of some doorways
of lust that he still had open, the enemy was sending this really
slinky, beautiful woman to seduce him. I saw him fall for her and it
wrecked his marriage and divided the ministry and did a lot of damage.”
Doug -
“OK, so what did you do with that dream?”
Brother -
“Well, God told me to confront the leader and warn him of the
danger and show him what he was doing that was keeping the doors
open, but I was angry with him for some things that he had done and I
didn't think he would receive it anyway so I kept my mouth shut.
Well, sort of, I did tell the dream to some other people in the
ministry – and it probably did get back to him somehow, but by
then I was already being pushed out the door.”
Doug -
“And so, what happened with that ministry?”
Brother -
“Well, it's dead now. He divorced his wife and married another
woman and it tore the whole thing apart. A lot of people were really
hurt and disillusioned by it.”
Doug -
“And what happened with you after that?”
Brother -
“Well, I struggled a lot after that and I fell away from God
because I was so angry. I got into some sin and it ended up costing
my marriage, but things are all better now.”
Doug -
“Except that you haven't heard God speak in about eight years
and you're directing all of your own paths and you're empty inside
and really don't have any idea how far outside of His perfect will
you are right now.”
Brother -
“Well, yeah, except for that.” sniffle
Doug -
“Do you understand that God recycles everything? That He is very
good at saying one thing and it applying to more than one person or situation?”
Brother -
“Yeah, I get that.”
Doug -
“So why do you think the Lord gave that dream to you in
particular? What application did it have for your own life?”
Brother -
“Well, I did have some open doorways and I was looking at porn a
lot. But it wasn't about me. It was about that ministry head.”
Doug -
“Yeah, so because you thought it didn't have any application to
you, you didn't receive it as a warning and repent or shut those
doors or anything. Right?”
Brother -
“Well, no. I guess not.”
Doug -
“And if you had understood that God tries to give a word like
that to someone that can relate to it and can apply it personally,
then you might have been able to go to that ministry leader in
humility and brokenness and as someone who was personally repentant
and could speak to him from a place of lovingly imploring him to
learn from your lessons instead of pointing fingers and blaming.”
Brother -
“Well, yeah, I guess so.”
Doug -
“And if you had done that and he would have received it and
implemented the warning God sent that you refused to deliver, it
might have saved his marriage and his ministry and even now he might
be effective for the Gospel instead of a lame duck. And the gossip
you spread by telling it to people other than the person God intended
might not have further harmed the ministry.”
Brother -
“Well, yeah, I guess so.”
Doug -
“Did you ever repent to the Lord for not delivering that message
as you were told to do? Did you repent for telling others?”
Brother -
“No, I didn't. I figured God would send someone else.”
Doug -
“Did God send someone else? Maybe you were the last one in line.”
Brother -
“No. I'm not aware that anyone else ever confronted him after that.”
Doug -
“OK, well, then it's all on your head. All the people that
didn't get reached and all the damage that was done that might have
been averted if you had obeyed and gone in humility and love is on
your head.”
Brother -
“OUCH! I don't think that's right. God doesn't hold me
responsible for the actions of others!”
Doug -
“Well, let's just ask the Lord right now. I'm going to pray with
you and focus ALL of my attention on you being able to hear God
really good on this. I'm just going to run a jumper cable from my
antenna to yours so you can get a clear answer. You ask the Lord if
He holds you responsible.”
Brother
– after prayer “Wow. He does. He says it's all on me.” sniffle
Doug -
“Well, would you ask God how many people are not going to be in
the kingdom because of your disobedience?”
Brother -
“I don't think I want to know.”
Doug -
“Well, then we can't really repent all the way, can we? If you
want to clear the slate and keep this from happening again you
probably need to have this written on your heart. You prayed for more
fear of the Lord.”
Brother -
“OK.” after prayer “Oh, God! The Lord says 450
people are not in the kingdom because of what I did!” sniffle, sniffle
Doug -
“Well, I was asking, too, and I'm hearing that those are the
people directly impacted by it. But that's not the total. You see,
the people hurt aren't preaching the Gospel now. And the people that
would have got saved, but aren't, they're not preaching the Gospel.
And the people they reached and the people they reached and on and
on. That ministry might have continued and grown. I have no
idea how the ripples might have gone out by now. Would you ask the
Lord for the TOTAL number of ALL the missed opportunities of all the
ripples as it extended out?”
Brother -
“I don't think I want to.”
Doug -
“Yeah, I know. I'll pray with you. You're not alone. But I'm
pretty sure this is important.”
Brother -
“Yeah, me, too.” praying, crying, praying, crying, deep
groan – then very quietly “The Lord says 253,000 people
didn't hear the Gospel because of me.” snuffle, sniffle,
snuffle. “OH GOD!! I'm SO SORRY!! I had no idea! I'm
so sorry! I'm a wretch! You died for them and I totally screwed
this up! I'm so sorry, Lord! I see how my pride and unforgiveness and
arrogance did awful damage to Your Body. I'm so sorry, Jesus! Please
forgive me! Please help me make it right! Please kill anything in me
that would ever do anything like that again! Please help me not to
ever miss another opportunity! Oh, God. I'm so sorry.” sniffle,
snuffle, groan. “Please help me hear Your voice again. Please, I
deserve far worse. Please just get me back in Your perfect will and
direct all of my paths. I'm so sorry, Lord.”
Then God starts
talking to them again and we start tracking down anything else that
might be in there messing with them. Filters and lenses and
strongholds and other areas of disobedience. We teach them how to get
their cup full and keep it full and how to obey ALL the time. Because
there is no safe place other than ALL. If you stick your head
out of the Strong Tower to see what's going on outside, you're going
to catch an arrow in the eye. Stay IN Jesus and don't come
out! There is no telling what the ripples and consequences and
opportunity costs are going to be for even the slightest act of
disobedience. Only God can anticipate all the ripples and only
God can direct your paths through the minefield that is trying to
kill, steal and destroy your life and that of your brothers and sisters.
Are you getting
this? I'm not sure what else to throw at you if you're not. Go ask
God how many people are not in the kingdom, are not written in the
Book of Life because you didn't trust God for the money to go on that
mission trip He told you to go on. Ask God how many got missed
because you refused to be inconvenienced by going to the mission
field where He told you and instead stayed home. Ask God how many got
missed because you refused to stand up and say the hard thing even
when you knew the pastor was wrong. Ask God how many got missed
because you refused to obey Him about where to have lunch yesterday
and the waitress who needed prayer died last night in a car accident.
Ask Him if He wants you to just SHUT UP, listen real good and do
whatever HE tells you – ALL the time. Ask Him which of your own
paths it's safe for you to direct yourself.
Ask God to give
you a hunger for souls. Ask God to let you see the Big Picture
and see through His eyes. Ask God to let you see the ripples.
It's going to
hurt, but it's absolutely necessary if you want Fear of the
Lord. And Fear of the Lord is the BEGINNING of Wisdom. If
a leader doesn't show any evidence of Fear of the Lord, I'm betting
they don't have any Godly wisdom, either.
There's no way to
march shoulder to shoulder without jostling each other if we're not
hearing God and obeying ALL. I don't want to be in a foxhole
with someone that obeys SOME. If you can't hear Headquarters
and get clear commands on the fly, you're no good for this war.
If you are unwilling or unable to see that a LOT might depend on your
absolute obedience to commands from Headquarters, then you're
careless and reckless and you're not ready for war either. In
fact, it might be hard to tell whose side you're really on.
Read Ezekiel
3:17-21; Ezekiel 33:1-9 – "If you don't give warning, I
will require their blood of you."
Almighty God,
this is really scaring me. I have no idea how bad this is. I'm just
barely getting a glimpse of the potential losses and costs and it's
really scaring me. I trust You, Lord. You know what I can handle.
Please open my eyes and give me wisdom to see as You see. I trust You
to hold my hand and get me through. I want to repent before You. I
want to weep and mourn. I want to see my part in all of this mess.
Please show me, even if it hurts. Show me how my actions or
inactions have hurt my family and my brethren. Tell me the numbers.
Show me a picture of what it would have been like if I had obeyed.
Please, Lord. Please write it on my heart and give me more Fear of
the Lord. Do whatever You have to do to me so that I will obey
ALL. Please fix me. Just put a ring in my nose and drag me like
a bull where you want me. I'll try not to resist You, but please
don't let me go. There is a monster inside of me and it's ME!
Please crucify me so that Christ in me can live and work and breathe
and speak and fight and be seen by all the world. To Your glory,
Lord. I'm nothing and deserve nothing after how badly I've handled
all of this. Please fix me. I'm so sorry. I know You're going to
answer this. Please just help me really good and don't let the enemy
gain any more ground. Don't let me turn this into guilt or paralysis,
just keep it before my eyes to motivate me to move faster. Please,
Lord. In the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
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